Saturday, September 10, 2011

A Public Service

The National Weather Service provides alerts when severe weather is approaching. You'll hear the emergency broadcast system siren, and your TV or your radio will tell you what you need to watch out for: tornadoes, floods, tropical storms, blizzards, locusts, etc.

These watches and warnings save countless lives every year. But I think there is another level of warning that people really need: the Jim Cantore warning.

The Weather Channel's gun-toting Superman makes his living by being the most badass storm chaser in a world full of amateurs. If Cantore is in your neighborhood, it's the Defcon 5 of weather scenarios. It is code red. In all honesty, you're probably doomed.

But just in case you may still have power (you know, so you can read this website) and a small window of opportunity to escape the violent clutches of Mother Nature, this blog will provide updates on the location of Jim Cantore.

Please, bookmark this page and check it regularly. If you find that Mr. Cantore is in your area, you should absolutely panic. Grab the kids and run. There isn't time to pack or make arrangements, there is only time to flee. And actually, there probably isn't.

Sure, you can try and prepare to survive the unforgiving hell that is approaching. But that really only works if you're actually Jim Cantore.

So this is my public service to you, America. I will continue to keep you informed on the whereabouts of Mr. Cantore until he shows up at my door to inform me that my time has come. Godspeed.